Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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