maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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