hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
