I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
