I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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