It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
