allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Randomize
