i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
