If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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