im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
bring money and cleavage
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
