oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
