Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
