i think my tv is drunk
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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