we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
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He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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