That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
