My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
