Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
