spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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