i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
she woke up with a sticky ear
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
