maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
