I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
