For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
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