Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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