Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
