This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
