either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
