If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
