I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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