you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
