Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
