Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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