why im i the only drunk person in the library?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
