I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
