Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
please don't ironically join a cult
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