then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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