So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
