so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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