Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
