did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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