Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
