I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
