Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Randomize
