i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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