this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
We have started to decorate penises.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Randomize
