omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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