Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
