He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
