I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
