nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
