your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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