the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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