The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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