Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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