so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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