I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
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I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize