So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
