if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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