1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
