u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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