I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Dignity is for republicans.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
