Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
