I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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