im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
