Got a toothbrush?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
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