Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Randomize
