I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
