Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
