I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm experimenting with sincerity
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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