Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
