i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
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