She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
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