I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
We're too hungover to prance.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
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