i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
