his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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