Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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